Soooo I know this doesn’t mean shit to anyone… but I just had alot of fun at my JOB. lol… wtf? … I’m finally learning how to do shit. & I really like being independent. Bc no one.. believes that I can do it. That I can stop all the bullshitin… & just fucking live my life… I always have some shit going on.. & now it’s done. I think high-school was a big part of my problems… but ya know. Now I don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks about me… I am who I am….
I don’t wanna say that this is the worst flaw but.. I’m the type to give great advice.. but never take it. Im always beating myself up and blaming myself.. and being walked over. but I wont allow.others to do the same. I guess I really am my own worst enemy -.- ugh. Fuck….the problem is also. Idk how to fix it? Or even… how to accept it…. maybe this is the first step? Fuck idk. Im not in AA UGH…
After hanging out with someone who got fucked over by the same person I did. I realized that, I need to take my own advice sometimes. I told him, that if the person that fucked you over really cared why would they fuck you over? Never waste your time with someone who doesn’t care about you as much or even at all like you care about them. That’s a waste of time. & love that you could be giving to someone else. You can’t allow people who fuck over to continue to do it by giving them the time of day. That’s when the whole “fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me” comes into play
lol staying up all night with your best friend, making jokes. Being weird. Laughing pooping lol. After your cat dying. Getting into a huge with fight your dad. And loosing a friend. Is the perfect medicine. Surround yourself with the people that make you smile. Not the people that make you question why your smiling
Its sad when I realize who my real friends are way too late. How the fuck you gonna say I’m a bad friend? No bitch -____- I’m too good for you… bc honestly friends don’t do that shit to friends. Stay loyal and realize that your best interests are in their heart… but I guess selfish people will never realize what they have… til I’m gone.
I don’t wanna be that one girl that just sits there.. and complains about my life. But, I am going to express myself about things that have happened in the past view minutes. Everyone has that one guy, that you tried so hard to make things work, and when they don’t you find out that everything that has just been happening was all a lie.. After being used for sex . and lied to… you tend to give up on things and just become completely numb. I used to assume that was the answer but it’s not.. its just my way of cutting the world off. That’s not the answer to my problems.. I learned to just be honest. Then, today I realized that I like to be honest with people.. but when someone tells me the truth (finally) … It’s not what I wanted to hear. I sit here. and I think, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why is it that the guys that I like.. just want sex.. they never really like me back.. and that hurts most of all.. having that voice in the back of your head telling you you aren’t good enough.. somethings wrong with you. Well.. I don’t think I’ll ever have a real answer for whats wrong with me.. nor an answer for whats wrong with the type of guys i like. So many times i have told myself. Are you dumb? It’s not you. It’s them they are whats wrong with you.. But, you can only continue to tell yourself that until the thoughts come back, and tell you to stop lying to yourself… it’s all you.. I wish to God, that I could realize what the fuck is wrong with me.. But, really.. what the fuck is wrong with you?